This May made a year that I have been living the single life, and let me tell you, it's not as fun as it seems. Society makes it seem like being single is the best time of your life, meeting tons of attractive people and having your pick between them. Even though you might find yourself meeting tons of attractive people, it's very hard turning that one interaction into a viable relationship opportunity.
We live in a world where everyone has access to everyone. I can literally pick up my phone right now and swipe right 3 times and I would have found my date for this Friday. We no longer have to worry about building up the courage to walk up to someone and ask them for their number. There's no more stories of lovers meeting in a coffee shop, or in a book store. All you hear is "we met on Tinder". This sucks the excitement right out of the whole dating scene, and I'm not suitable for this dating culture.
I find myself playing the "swipe" game on Tinder quite often, and even though I get my fair share of matches, most of the time I never make it to an actual date. Everything starts out great and we make plans, and then out of nowhere, I stop receiving messages. That being said, even in the off chance it leads to a date where we meet up for dinner or wine, that's all it ever really is. After she gets her free food and wine, she disappears. Sometimes she may even invite me over, but the morning after, we've forgotten each other's names, we've lost all connection from the night before, and we start swiping again.
Then there's Snapchat. You follow all these girls that you find extremely attractive, and for the moment you're watching their story, you feel like she's sharing this experience with just you. Then you attempt to have a conversation with them over the app, but that only ends in them completely ignoring you.
The one thing we fail to realize as single individuals is that every person we try to "pick up" has 10-20 other people trying to do the same thing. Yes, her selfie may have been too gorgeous for you not to type "<3", but you're not the only person that's sending the exact same message.
I know what you're thinking. If online dating isn't working, why not just go out and meet people the old fashioned way: face-to-face? Well, let me tell you why not. Let's say you're a guy and you go out with a few friends, and find a really attractive girl that you want to approach. Assuming you're not going to whimp out and you actually approach her, the first thing going through her mind is that you're some kind of weirdo just trying to get into her pants. If somehow you get past her walls (and her friends) and actually have a great conversation with her, then you MIGHT be lucky enough to get her number. If you get her number, and you send her a text or call her, she's going to try to remember who you are and probably just reply to be nice. After a few minutes of texting or talking on the phone, she's more than likely going to ghost you, which basically means leaving you hanging until you give up. Of course, this is me generalizing the situation, obviously not everyone is the same, but 9 times out of 10, this is going to be the result.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm the best at this either. There have been a few times where I've swiped right and ghosted some girls. In their defence, it has nothing to do with them as a person, I probably just wasn't into talking at the time, and left them there hanging, but this brings me back to my point: the only reason I leave them there without a response is simply because I have access to so many others. If I'm interested in someone and she just isn't that into me, I know my next option is only a few swipes away, and it's this mindset that makes dating so hard. Like I've said before, I've been in this dating culture for just over a year, and I'm already getting sucked into these bad habits. As sad as it is for me to admit, it's true.
So what's the solution? In all honesty, I'm not sure, but until then, I'll just keep swiping.
- Tristan